im here after the missing entry. just to catch up on the main point of that entry, i drop to N. which is n2. cant go back express anymore as said by mrs oh. yea. dammit.

so anyway, i dont own my computer anymore. its sort of a punishment. thats why im here to announce that im not gonna blog a single shit till i get it back in my room. (:

cuppish?

it means 'get it'? in some language i forgot the spelling. kinda cute right?
enough rubbish.

till then, ciaos. (:
miss me alright!!

;i am afraid


i just complete an entry and screwed up blogger had error. everything gone? i dont know.

sian la!!

;i am afraid


as promised, i came back for more. hahas. first time? or second? so little times i forgot how many. darn it. =/

my last entry was talking about how happy they were. right? sian la. haiyah. stupid ricky gives stupid face. makes it really punchable. which is qian da. fucktard. =x sorries net.

me and him are not always like this. did i mention this previously? ah i dont care its the truth.

continue shopping schedule here. bought a hello kitty bag, a chanel ring (fake of course. DUH.), and a yellowish brown top. nice stuff. jie bought purse, and erm... i kinda forgot. =x

then went back for darling but i was angry. he was angry. then he told me to leave. BAH! i go lorh. i make myself disappear. i went all the way back home downstairs alone and sat there for like a hour plus. fuck it can got one car stop ask me way to cwp. got so blind anot? just ahead leh. -.- i think he just wants to talk to me. LOL. xD whatever.

i went back home when its 9pm, so bored. stared at the computer did nothing. no chatting no music. everything was quiet. FUCKTARD. enough said. =/

23.1o
stayed at home on sunday. because someone didnt let me out. watched tv like hell.

24.1o
went cwp yesterday because im bored. meet up with ah joy and walked to courts to look at notebooks for eunice marmie. (: finally spot and good one and marmie said to consider. went back to 5th floor and saw zhaohua and his brother. LMAO! the brother so ke ai. dont look alike leh. one fat one thin. wang sha ye feng. LOL. zh say one. =x ate crystal jade wings. yum yum. we all picnic. wahaha. then went to lan for house of the dead 3. his brother waited for his counterstrike for about 5 hours already. -.- abit kua zhang but its real. he keep whacking zh also. his strength damn power, belly damn round and he only 12 years old. darn!!

walked around for girl stuff, wanna buy lingerie and bikini but after that darling said he paiseh so went to look at guy's stuff. wahaha. LMAO. x) saw this pierre cardin wallet kinda nice. then walked around for counters available in tangs. havent use the damn fucked up voucher. dont know what to buy sia!! then thought of buying mascara. my favourite. now gonna get blue. wahaha. xD LALALA~~

we saw lotsa baby stuff and got elmo clothings so kawaii. lols. please dont give comments like i act cute can. cannot let me be cute awhile meh? -.-

played with toys at the kids department and wanted to buy puzzle but momma got discount card. sian ah! she buy lorh. (: eh wait, don la. i still want my hair permed. lalala~ d:

went home no more shopping because he said im not a good gf. @@ okay understood. dont wanna say anymore of this in detail. saddening stuff. arghs darn turtle. BAH!! sian la.

ciaos. BAH!

;i am afraid


hi im finally back for more entries because im bored and i have nothing better to do.

SO many stuff happened. (i always say this but im lazy to type all out because its really TOO much. whatever.)

i wanna talk about saturday. its the dumbest day i've ever had. fuck it alright.
had a small arguement with him again because of the same old thing. my friends are more important.

blah blah blah~ so on and so forth. you just dont get that you are the most important. believe or not is what you decide then.

went to bugis with rui jie, she suddenly sms me for a date. wahaha. and met up with siman, denise and shanling. i date them long ago already. then net and ricky came along. happy happy 4 months old. at least they are happy, no matter how long. arghs. why cant me and him be happy all the time? like them. haiyah. the feeling is so fucked up. BAH!! =/

i'll be back for more. REALLY! i promise. hehe. x)

ciaos. going out now. miss me okay. bleh~

;i am afraid


had the ugliest day of my life yesterday. too tired to blog. i dont know where to start. its the day i lose him forever because i know its too impossible to have him back. im afraid, im scared already. i dont what the both of us wants. i dont hate him and i think i should forget about him in my life already. i hate to know the reality.

15.1o,
i woke up and toke a shower. then played sims 2. was working on me and bian's family when he called. he asked if i wanna meet him. but its so late already, going to sylvia's bbq soon so i told him not to meet today or maybe later and he got all angry with me. he said friends are more important then him. i was really angry he said that. so we quarrelled till i went cwp to look for xiao rui jie, net, ricky, lynn po, evon, sylvia, songting, evan and another 2 girls called debbie and jing yi.

they said i look pale when i saw them because im too lazy and no mood for makeup. when we reach the bus interchange, they start to help me put on some. but it didnt make any change to my heart. thanks for all that anyway. its really nice of you all. (:

lynn stayed back for jiahui and we went on to sylvia's house to get stuff for bbq. they take NTUC trolley to play, songting stand on it and they start to push act act to bang the wall. lols. but really had no mood to play. sorries eh sylvia. ur birthday i still moody. haiis.

UPDATE**** (19.1o)
i'll continue on this entry soon. sorry for lack of entries. was too tired and lazy to post boring stuff now. oh ya, we are okay already. thanks to those who talked, helped or in whatever way you are involved. ciaos. (:

;i am afraid


my momma found my mickey gold ear stud! lmao! i thought me and that mickey no fate liao. hahaas. (:

anyway, went to the bitch's web and saw what fcuk she wrote in her blog. shut up la okay. no one will say bad of your ownself. i know. can understand. you can go to hell la.

i dare you come my blog spam me la. bitch! i'll give you left and right on the face.

here's the site. go have a look. see how she fake.
http://www.wretch.cc/blog/kittyfish&article_id=2349184

fuck you. (:

;i am afraid


i wanna blog i wanna blog! shit, what a boring day.

darling was suppose to bring me to school today but he seemed to be too tired to type the correct message. i thought he couldnt make it but he said he wanted to tell me to call him at 6. i was really furious and disappointed at first when i saw the message so forget about calling. so i went to school, alone. again. dammit okay.

maths paper 2 was okay and home econs was easy. i was so happy! yeah! i think i can pass. quite confident but im afraid that the previous tests may pull me down. what the fcuk. why do they have to make life difficult. =/

recess was... okay. have to face the bitch in school. i never expected this, we were once good friends. then you do all the fcuked up thing. calling me a slut? you watch out. i still cant forget about this okay.

what a bitch. chek!

went home with darling. yeah! finally he came. (: but i injured my knee again because the driver start so suddenly i hit the seat infront. shit its so painful and the bitch is behind me lorh.

CHAO TURTLE!

haiyah got home and prepared to go out for lunch with mummy and daddy. we went soup restaurant at cwp. the service quite lousy lorh. but the food fcukin nice! lols. walked around, looked at the price for the sims 2. costs around $5o, i got discount at popular! yeah! but sim lim may sell it cheaper.

anyone interested to sell at cheaper price? contact me now! tag me or something. negotiable okay. (:

went home after so many shopping, bought quite alot stuff but all not i want buy one. lols. i got so many stuff i wanna get for this holiday.

-sims 2
-new hair-do
-jolin concert dvd
-nan quan mama er hao chan cd
-darling's annivasary and birthday present. (:

how? i need money!! i need job!! argh!! sorry im getting a little outta control here.

i slacked till now since 5plus. have to do my art prep work already.

oh ya, i have something so so important i need to announce. i cant wait, im shivering already...
tomorrow is last day of exams!! wee~ can shop liao! can have fun liao! peng you! shun ah! x)
i feel good. nanana~

i miss my darling leh... haiyah!
ciaos. (:

;i am afraid


if people who reads my blog notices, my previous entry was deleted due to its sensitivity. (well, my mum says its sensitive. so... you know)

skip that, theres so many to write about yesterday. i had a total breakdown.

it was a usual usual day, had maths paper 1 and geography, was quite okay. went to school and to home alone again. everyone had someone with them except me. i was really sad. then amirah asked me about darling, how long we are together. i proudly told her everything but she asked if i was scared if tomorrow break. i shivered. then darling called and talked to me so fierce. say i talk to guys again. send testy, blabla. of cause im angry. my dearest accused me. its was really hot and i was really tired. he couldnt stop yaking.

we quarrelled till i got home and said i was tired. then he call again. i was really really fed up can. he couldnt understand.

after all that, he asked for a break up cause he thought i was suffering. crying didnt help at first and he lied about liking another girl because he said he wanna stop wasting time. i know its all rubbish. then he broke down as well, crying and telling me he love me the most. couldnt let me go but had too cause he saw me suffering with him. but i didnt care. i really love him (: saw this my baby?

i love you! no more leaving me behind and i wont too as well.

i dont wanna go into too much details, i will burst out again cause its just too much to handle. i couldnt imagine life without him. people may think bad of him but i think he is my everything. no comments on us, me or him.

but i really hate it when u ask about something i really didnt do. it really irritates me. can darling stop? im waiting for that to happen. i will change for you. i hope you do the same thing for me as well. okay?

i really have no mood for studying although its science the next day. shiat. =/

*******

had science paper today, it was easier then expected. wohoo! happy leh. hope can pass lorh. cause i know im not that good in the others. (:

went to school and back home alone today again, how many again already? haiis. hope you keep your promise the next time. i really hope for it to happen cause i believe in you.

so i headed for viva for lunch with jess darlink, jason, terance and her classmates instead. we had so much fun talking. jason help me buy duck rice cause the shop guy is pervert. =x alert to girls! remember okay! LOL!

reached home and lynn laopo asked me out for a date but i fell asleep in the end. sorries po! wanted to go shower already but ended up lying on the sofa snoring. =x

woke up and found out about people spamming my dar's taggy. which is TEO WAN YEE. she spam like very fun then scold liao she act like not her. is other people act her. then went for a look at her site, saw so many flooding scolding us. then lynn told us she act as the frens cause her cousin go check ip ler. -.-

so bo liao can! cant believe shes the eat-full-nothing-to-do type. then she admits to dar that she use other people's pictures!

fcuking damn god finally! she can go to hell.

scold me slut? say my dar and laopo? use other people name scold us? say wont let us walk outta school? please la you are just a faker, no point arguing with us. i swear i wont let you walk if you try me. dont play punk with me okay.

FAKER TEO WAN YEE. this should be your real name. fcuk!

arghs!

anyway, i slacked till now. shit. my brother aint home. whose gonna teach me maths? die liao lorh. so sian. darling cant come somemore. =/ why everytime like that? everytime got something one. haiis.

time for more slacking. alone.

how i hope you are by my side now. but you are always not here. why?

;i am afraid


after thinking for sooo long,
i have a confession to make.
i will not bear with the nonsense anymore.

this is the last chance! never say 'break' to me anymore. if not its forever, get it?
its really the last chance. don take me for granted. don happy happy u like it then say break. i hate it to the core.

thats all for this entry.

ciaos.

;i am afraid


UPDATE*

im back home so long ago but was too tired so fell asleep.

then darling called and woke me up. was really really happy he called but he talked about some guy. i dont mention names cause i hate him. he is the main reason why me and darling quarrel so much the other time. i really pekchek when he suddenly say him when we so happy. i just hate it. not because he cant ask about my past but its because he is someone we two should forget.

i cried again, so hard. i have the feeling i would lose him again. i was always so afraid cause im stupid. i donno how to make my darling happy. donno how to say sorry. im not perfect in his eyes at all. i know.

we are okay again. i fear for the next argument. i always did fear. i hate it and prayed real hard for it to stop. but it seems that God dislikes me. He did try helping i guess. its just me, i spoil everything. because im stupid.

im not a good girlfriend. im not good at anything.

i love you fabian darling, only you just you forever you.

;i am afraid


no mood to blog yesterday cause so many things happened. =/ i really hate it.

i was happy at first, finally meeting darling after so long due to his toothache. i was REALLY worried. (he said i wasnt) i brought my science homework along, study abit and sylvia help me copy the science homework i was suppose to hand up. although just one but thanks ehs. (:

darling came to me with qiming and we headed for lunch at pastamania. darling treat me but i really want to pay myself cause he gonna broke liao. haiyah.

after that went back 7thstorey then wanted to go popular look for sims 2 so we went and when i just start, he told me he will be abit pekchek. then i thought he was refering to me shopping so i gave him attitude. then he starts shouting and gave me his FCUKING attitude which i REALLY hate. his face really qian da. even if i not angry also will because of his FCUKING ATTITUDE face and get angry. (darling, im not saying you now. its just what i felt. i love your face okay. serious.)

so he went away with qiming and i start to walk around alone. then he called. wanting me to go look for him for a talk. then i got more and more pekchek and walked away. he followed but i pushed his hand away when he wanted to hold me. i said no to him and he walked away again. not coming back anymore. then sms came.

'we be fren better ok?' this is exactly what he told me in the sms. i was so shocked asked him why and he said i didnt understand him, say he having toothache then i never even care about him. he wants to separate. i said okay.

i cant go home. home makes me worse cause i have nothing to do. so i went around shopping spending over $5o. bought lotsa stuff.

-hello kitty bracelet $16.9o
-crown necklace $24.9o
-mini toons $4.95
-more then words $6.8o
total = $53.55

shit. didnt feel happy at all but they are really beautiful. especially the hk bracelet.

then he call me up again. he wanna bring me home.

asked stupid questions like 'are you happy?' 'finally one person liao hor? without me better?'

I AM NOT! i really need you to go on. i admit that im weak, i need you by my side. i need you to piggyback me again. i want you and everything from you once again. haiyah i just want you. very simple. just didnt say all these to you.

after saying so much to me, i cried. i really wondered if our love was this weak. i couldnt believe all these at all. i kept quiet all the while.

until you came infront and hugged me.

i cried even harder hoping this means you came back, not leaving me behind anymore. i was right. we sort out some feelings and you want me back again.

i hope i wouldnt get so stuck up anymore cause im usually like that. but you dont like it i know. and darling, stop giving me that face leh. really irritating. (: i will change for you too.

i slacked when i got home. cant really study much due to my emotions. i was really afraid he would leave again. thinking about it makes me shed tears again. and mummy bought the ginvera green tea marvel gel for me. wohoo! (: i always wanted that.

i know darling love me. right? don let me cry anymore.

*******

oh ya about today, had history and literature exams. both are okay. just some i dont know how it works, as usual. just wrote lotsa rubbish. pray hard that i'll pass.

darling finally came to pick me up after school cause he has his last paper at bout 23o. they happy lorh. last paper liao, no need come school anymore. zhixiang and the rest even wanted to burn their uniforms. =x

siao!

may be going for movies later. maybe la hor. see darling how.

so i'll update later.

smooches*

;i am afraid


what my momma say is right. i have my dreams. why are things and people stopping me and reducing my social circle? whats holding back my thoughts to fight for my dreams? i feel really really enlightened. (:

arghs, slacked the whole day cause theres simply no lesson done. just give worksheets nonstop. kinda bored. did art after school till cant find mdm tan for science spelling. lmao. =/ shit right. i wanna pass science leh. fcuk.

then went home, darling did not accompany me cause he went to the dentist to cure his terrible toothache, fcuk mentoes okay.

slacked at home the whole day. damn boring. at home also cant really study. i cannot tahan my stomachaches, headaches and the damn cold already.

exam period = no life

fcuk everything. im a goner. damn.

;i am afraid


what a great day. darling came to pick me up to school as usual. (:

chinese paper was easy! and i all along thought the passage is gonna be difficult but both ended up so easy. really happy leh. hope can get A, got B3 the other time.

i fear for my results actually. i slacked so much that i drop my homework aside. the most important thing is that it counts every bit. shit am i gonna die? i scared i fail CME cause i never do the project which consist 5o% in SA and i didnt turn up for school when they all passed up. until now then i know everything is kinda over. i donno if i still can pass up. worse is i never even do. i forgot all about it cause its CME. what a bad attitude right. don learn. =/

went to look for darling after that. he having exams till 4. then we went to fragrant to chit chat. i was really really happy cause this is the first time me and my darling sit somewhere and chit chat then he held me real tight although he had a very bad toothache. i was too scared to call polyclinic for him. lmao -.-

he called and gave a funny english accent, so cute. (:

i went home alone when time's up and saw kaiting laopo outside our primary school as its just downstair my block. i miss her. xD

slacked at home the whole day, did nothing much, just sleep. i cant do any studying at home and i just dunno why. shit, i think im gonna fail. those who know what my daddy said, shit right? some people may feel happy but i dont. i still want to study for the sake of it. then i can do what i want to do. what the hell.

darling, jiayou for tomorrow's maths paper. don give up okay. smuack x)

;i am afraid


saw this interesting piece in wenn's blog.
FURONG JIEJIE'S CARTOON MTV!!

look @ http://img.flash.tom.com/flashlink/flash_swf/h/heyipai/1127706223_51364.swf

OMFG! she is seriously a turn off.

(:

;i am afraid


had the almost perfect day.

i looked at darling's sweating face and felt really touched. but i showed a little jealousy. maybe a lot. HAHA! who cares? i really am. should show it yeah.

he piggybacked me all the way home when i told him my foot was tearing apart. damn painful from all the walking on high heels. it was freakingly terrible. my soles almost seemed flat.

but the most turn off thing is that i still have to tell him to piggybag me. if he asked on his own, i surely cry. im totally serious. but he didnt. oh well. (:

the flaw to the perfect was in the noon, was too busy to sms darling good morning cause i had to go to the bank, do registration for ATM card. (yeah!!) then buy lunch with my momma. went home and eat after that shower.

prepared to go for my momma's collegues's wedding. his name is kelvin. i call him kelvin korkor. but his first impression on me is that im veri dao.

whatever right. lols.

but darling cant understand i was really busy rushing and said he was less important then other stuff.

hey!!

i wouldnt even bother to say so much if i take him lightly. whats with all that right. i dont care much about that you know. the fcuked up part is he like to hang 'break lorh' on his mouth.

do anything stupid and i can bear with it. only that, i will give you shiat. BAH!

reach the church in bukit timah at around 1pm. quite a number were sitted. and i have a feeling that almost everyone is looking at me. am i a weirdtard or something?

chey!! dont like that leh i will paiseh. lmao. xD

oh ya, kelvin korkor shuai!! married liao leh. steady. thanks for fixing my old friend (computer) at home. xie xie! wish you and your lovely darling bai tou dao lao. god bless.

i kinda like their church wedding. except for its chinese (and it sounds extremely weird for church songs and bible in chinese) and the singer (her voice is cracking. i think the window is too. damn!).

buay tahan ahs!! wahlao ehs!! but the pastor damn funny la. nice one.

i had my short quiet time as well. the decoration is nice, the groom and the bride are beautiful and the feeling is perfect.

i always dream about my own wedding and the honeymoon, how it'll be like. the wedding is always by the beach, in the church with everyone dear to me pray just for me and my other half. girls just want it simple. but very dear and sweet to the heart. tell me if im wrong. my dinner should be special, i want a dance floor for my guest. hey, not clubbing dance floor hor for your information. its waltz kinda dance. what ever they can show. then i wanna sing with and for my boy. arghs! sweet right? and i'll be the prettiest.

honeymoon should be in paris or milan. damn relax can. lols. (: happy. then i'll shop till i drop. my boy is gonna suffer. hehe. just kidding.

after the service, went to grab some food. shoke his hand to congrat him then we went off take cab back to cwp. shop shop in metro then found out that the perfum i want is $13o. lmao. so EX?! but got free gift la. haiyah. i want. my momma say go sydney see have anot buy for me. (: then saw a bag so nice. $4o nia! then fcuking shiat lorh. last piece my momma wont buy. tomorrow go again see cause today the sales not there. pray hard have leh. nice nice. *thumbs up*

meet up darling for movie, 'corpse bride'. the movie damn short la can. 1 hour 1o mins plus nia. what lai de? $8.5o i pay like that watch what? budden quite nice show. lmao.

after the show go walk walk buy long sleeve blouse then meet peng and kit darling baby. (: we went shopping around for lotsa stuff then went inside cold storage cause peng wanted food i guess. i kinda forgot. STM problem again. forgive me okay. then when he buying chicken, we keep saying honeydew cause kit drinking.

'ehs give me one honeyDEW!! LMAO!! wahaha~ even the auntie also laugh.'

he buy for me one. so i thought i should stop laughing but simply cant.

honeyDEW!! -.-

saw yingying outside cwp when gg home, darling so nice help me take everything. he wanted to pei me but his momma call. ='[ haiis. please take care of your teeth okay. im really worried, please bear with the pain and we go dentist soon. jiayou!!

i slack till now cant stop missing him. he give excuses cause he dont wanna look for me now. so sad lorh. forget it. im really tired as well cause he aint here.

really miss my darling.
why arent you here? i need you.

update another time.

;i am afraid